I think my vagina is haunted
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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