i think my tv is drunk
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
