I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
