Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
