He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
