North Korea, Best Korea!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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