no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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