the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
