somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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