all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
