Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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