so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
