I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i think my cat just said my name.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
