If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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