my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
