look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
