i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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