i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
