the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
