Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
