I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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