Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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