and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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