guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
