note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
