Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
