she was so not down for the gang bang
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
