You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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