He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
