You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
