I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
