i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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