direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
