When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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