I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you never un-have a 4some
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
