Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
