Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
