My room smells like vodka and shame
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
