I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
