So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
