New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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