dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
