On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
