Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Mom said you looked used
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
