the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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