Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
