We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
