After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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