I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
