It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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