I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I came so hard my ears popped.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
