Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
