I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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