the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
